my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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