yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
