I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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