morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
