Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
