Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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