I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the condom got lost in my hair
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
