So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
