I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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