What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
