Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
