I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
