I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
