I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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