Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
