Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
