I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
