it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
