Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
