Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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