Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
