I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
People in love make me want to vomit
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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