yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
