True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
