i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
