bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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