We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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