He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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