is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
