Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
