I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
