is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
