We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
