Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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