dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
