he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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