she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
