What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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