I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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