Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
