East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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