I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
