ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
