I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
