I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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