loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
