Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
