he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
