My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
