this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
