bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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