Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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