i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
