just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
